


Alec Kills Freeform TV

by apartment



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:58:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apartment/pseuds/apartment
Summary: No, butactually. Alec kills Freeform, the life-draining, soul-sucking vampire fiend who betrays everyone who loves him.#SaveShadowhunters and #FuckFreeformAlec tries and fails to bite back his nervous laughter, already weirded out. “R-right, okay,” he says. He turns and gestures the vampire to join him. “I can show you to your room for the night, Mr. Freeform?”“Just Freeform, please. The ‘Mister’ makes me seem old, and that alienates my target audience.”





	Alec Kills Freeform TV

**Author's Note:**

> all of Freeform's dialogue is from Freeform's twitter lmfao so u can't say i didn't do my research 
> 
> damn u lena for making me write this

When Maryse informs him that the Institute is hosting a unique visitor for the week, Alec isn’t quite sure what he expected. She only told him that the Clave had sanctioned the vampire’s stay, which while vaguely concerning, wasn’t cause for real alarm.

“Apparently, he’s quite eccentric,” Maryse says. Alec knows her definition of “eccentric.” It’s Magnus.

So yeah, Alec’s surprised when through the front doors walks a middle-aged but handsome white man. He’s wearing a simple but expensive navy suit, tailored to fit him, and he’s carrying a briefcase like he means business. When he gets closer, Alec notices that he has a few grey hairs. He’ll be charming people as a silver fox soon, Alec thinks wryly.

There’s no denying that the vampire is attractive. While pale, as vampires are, he carries himself with a confidence Alec usually only sees on older immortals, and he wonders vaguely how old this Downworlder is. He can feel himself being drawn to him, like the vampire has something he doesn’t even know he wants yet.

“Alec Lightwood,” he says, reaching out a hand with a smile. “I’ll be your guide during your week here.”

The man takes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Alec,” he greets with a smile of his own. His teeth are very white and very straight. “I’m Freeform.” 

Everything comes to a screeching halt. “I— what?” Alec asks. “Sorry, is Freeform your name?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Of course, it invokes a feeling of independence.”

 _What_. Alec tries and fails to bite back his nervous laughter, already weirded out. “R-right, okay,” he says. He turns and gestures the vampire to join him. “I can show you to your room for the night, Mr. Freeform?”

“Just Freeform, please. The ‘Mister’ makes me seem old, and that alienates my target audience.”

“I— okay,” says Alec. “Okay.” He can do this. Now he gets what his mother meant by eccentric. But it’s okay. It’s okay! He’s hosted weirder, older, and ruder before. He can handle a vampire with a bizarre name.

Freeform looks around the Institute as they walk through it. “Oh, with the right adjustments, this place could be a wonderful setting for an 18th century TV show! You’d have to remove the technology, of course, and all the people who make this place what it is, but add a new cast, and _voilà_!”

Alec can’t even look at him. _What the fuck_ , he thinks. He pulls out his phone and holds it at his side surreptitiously. Freeform doesn’t seem to notice.

 _ima go crazy. u wouldn’t believe who we’re hosting at the inst. this wk_ , Alec types.

Magnus’ response is immediate: _spill. i hate guessing games_

_this vampire. he looks normal but his name is freeform. FREEFORM! and he won’t stop talking abt TV_

Sure enough, Freeform is still rambling on about production and sets and casting calls and something called “economical prowess.” Alec hates him. And he hates that he was charmed by him in the beginning. He feels oddly betrayed. How did someone who could have been so nice go so wrong?

 _hm i don’t know him, do you know where he’s from,_ Magnus replies.

“Where are you from?” Alec asks.

“Burbank, in California,” Freeform replies with a smile. “But my parents have locations _all_ over the country. We’re well rooted, pretty established. You know how it is.”

 _burbank CA_ , Alec types back. He nods at Freeform like he knows exactly what he’s talking about.

 _oh i do know him. he used to go by fox family channel_ , says Magnus.

 _wtf? y the name change?_ says Alec. Is this guy dangerous?

Magnus knows exactly what Alec’s asking when he replies: _he’s harmless as far as i know but you should keep an eye out probably_

_yea will do thx. at least things can only go up from here_

* * *

Things go down from there.

If his first interactions with Freeform weren’t enough, Alec’s hit with an immediate red flag when upon showing the man his room, Freeform beckons Alec in with a smirk.

“Stay for awhile?” he asks. “The perfect way to end the day.”

“No! I mean, uh, no, I’m good. I don’t—,”

“Oh, please,” Freeform waves dismissively. “It’s not like we’d be doing more than kissing. And even then! No tongue. Now if you were a woman, of course! But since we’re men, it’s not appropriate for me at all. If you’d like, we can kiss getting into bed together and the wake up the next morning shirtless to imply something a little scandalous, hm?”

“I… have to go,” Alec says, too confused to take offense.

 _i think he just propositioned me_ , Alec texts Magnus

 _well you are easy on the eyes alexander_ , comes the text soon after. Alec can’t help his resulting chuckle.

It’s okay. He can do this. There have been others who’ve hit on him, trying to get their hands on the most eligible bachelor in Idris. Some of them have been as bold as Freeform is. He can do this. It’s just one week, and hopefully the vampire doesn’t proposition him again.

But again, it just gets worse from there.

* * *

Alec might’ve been annoyed at Freeform before. The vampire is loud and won’t stop promoting his television knowledge, and he has a clear double standard when it comes to homo- and heterosexuality.

But the next morning, when they’re eating breakfast, Alec becomes enraged. Freeform is using blood instead of milk with his cereal. That’s the a-okay part. The _not_ a-okay part is that _he poured his cereal into his blood instead of his blood into his cereal_ and Alec wants to _die_.

 _he poured his blood into a bowl b4 putting his cereal in it,_ Alec texts Magnus. _who does that!!!_

 _barbaric!_ and Alec stifles his laughter.

Later, Freeform comes with Alec on his patrol, chattering endlessly about the Disney-themed weddings, of all things. Alec is half-distracted texting Magnus constant updates, which is why he doesn’t notice the two demons tailing them until they’re leaping out from a tree, aiming straight for Alec’s head.

“Fuck!” he yelps, and jumps back. He pulls out his sword and throws it at once, impaling it through the heart, and dodges a swipe from the second. Only he’s a millisecond too slow, and the demon’s claws scrape a gash in his side.

Alec twists away, wincing in pain. He clutches his side and feels blood seeping through his fingers. He doesn’t lose focus though. He notes his surroundings, the demon’s pattern of movement, and Freeform standing by the side and uninterested in engaging.

Vaguely heartless when it comes to Shadowhunters, it seems.

Alec pulls an arrow from his quiver and uses it as a knife. When the demon next attacks, he sidesteps smoothly and stabs it through its eye. With a screech, the demon disintegrates.

“Well that escalated quickly,” Freeform says. He straightens the lapels of his coat and looks stupidly pleased with himself for doing the absolutely nothing that he did.

“Ugh,” Alec grimaces, wiping his arrow off. He retrieves his sword and tucks it into its holster. “You don’t fight?” Alec asks.

Freeform shrugs. “Only verbal battles,” he grins, then breathes in the air deeply. “Mm, I love Nephilim blood.”

Alec freezes. “Excuse me?” he says quietly, eyes narrowed.

“You wouldn’t mind, would you? If I just had a little? I’ll pay you back, of course.”

“You’d be breaking the Accords,” says Alec. “Drinking the blood of any person straight from them is breaking against the Accords.”

Freeform tsks and rolls his eyes. “Accords-Shmaccords,” he says. “Come on, how can you say no to this!”

Alec grits his teeth, trying to hold back his irritation. Freeform seems dangerous, and is definitely more trouble than Alec thinks he’s worth. He’s still not even sure why the vampire is _here_.

“Come on,” he says, moving forward. He pulls out his phone and texts Isabelle to send back-up. “Still have to finish patrol.”

The rest of patrol is even worse. Freeform doesn’t listen to a word Alec says the entire time they spend together, which, unfortunately, is a lot. The vampire is ridiculous obtuse, and he simply deflects each and every question Alec asks.

When Alec finally stops tuning him out and starts listening to what Freeform is saying, it doesn’t take long for him to be mentally exhausted. Freeform keeps slipping small implications that he’s a bleeder vamp into their conversations, but none of it’s enough for Alec to act on, and he can’t risk offending their guest.

And the way he talks about women is gross, too. It’s predatory, like he enjoys charming them into spending time with him and then never listens to their own requests in return. They commit to him, become dedicated, and in return, nothing but betrayal. 

By the time Alec’s backup arrives, he wants to _kill_ him. God, if this vampire is breaking the Accords, that gives Alec a reason to capture him, take him in. Nothing would give Alec more satisfaction. 

* * *

The next day, they’re sitting around a conference table: he, Isabelle, Jace, Maryse, and finally, Freeform. Freeform is raving about someone who had complimented him once. _Ugh_ , Alec thinks. _Do something useful for once_.

 _he just never listens!! and always deflects questions_ , Alec texts Magnus in complaint.

_sorry darling :( wish i could help_

_no it’s k u always help_ , he says back, unable to contain his small smile.

“Alec, if you could put your phone away,” Maryse scolds.

Alec looks up sheepishly. “Sorry,” he mutters, putting his phone away.

“Oh, how nice. Reminds me of this one beautiful fan I once knew. Charming young woman. Very driven, very bold, and _always_ fought for what she wanted,” Freeform says smugly. Alec resists the urge to punch him.

“That’s nice,” Alec says blandly.

“Of course, it was a real shame I had to drain her dry eventually,” Freeform muses. The room goes still, silent. Freeform continues, oblivious. Did he mean that literally or figuratively? “She just had too much _hope_! Kept asking me for what I didn’t want to give, so… Well, you know how it is.”

Alec’s voice is hard when he speaks. “No. I don’t know how it is. Do you mean that you broke up with her, and that it hurt her? Or that you fed on her?”

“Oh, she wasn’t a _mundane_ , Alec. She was truly an angel. Protector of two stars, even.”

“Did you kill her?” Alec asks bluntly. He’s angry enough now that staying his tongue seems like a ridiculous notion. He suddenly realizes why the Clave invited Freeform into the Institute. They want him to kill him, and they need a confession first.

“I killed everything she cared about. And when she was tired, I sucked the life out of her, too.” Freeform laughs, and then seems to realize what he’s said. He pauses. “Ah, well, what I mean to say is that… perhaps there will be a spin-off series?”

Alec is up before he knows what he’s doing, and then he’s standing with his seraph blade buried through Freeform’s chest. The vampire looks down, momentarily surprised, and then he shouts in pain. He claws at his chest, but it’s too late. He’s disintegrating slowly. 

For the first time in a long time, Alec feels vindictive during a kill. _Fuck you, Freeform_ , he thinks. _Fuck you_.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, really, fuck you freeform
> 
> stay strong ladiez #saveshadowhunters. keep ur chin up, at least we have malec fics 
> 
> i'm p active on twitter these days so come hang w/ me there. i also check [tumblr](http://apartmented.tumblr.com) at least a few times a day but honestly >>> [twitter](http://twitter.com/inviq). hmu to play fortnite!


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